Marriage is often described as the union of two individuals becoming one. But for that union to thrive, each person must come as a whole, not as a half seeking to be completed.

Marriage is one of the most significant decisions a person can make. Research consistently shows that the quality of a marital relationship has profound effects on mental, emotional, and even physical health. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that people in healthy, happy marriages tend to live longer, experience less stress, and report higher levels of overall life satisfaction. On the other hand, choosing the wrong partner or entering a relationship with unresolved personal issues can lead to chronic stress, reduced self-esteem, and even mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression.

But here’s the catch: finding the right person starts with becoming the right person. Before you can build a thriving relationship with someone else, you need to cultivate a loving, compassionate relationship with yourself. Self-love is not selfish; it’s vital. Without it, you risk entering a marriage seeking validation, healing, or a sense of completion from your partner- all of which can lead to dependency and conflict.

Here’s a deeper look at why self-love is essential and the relevant laws that guide this journey:

The Importance of Self-Love in Relationships

Self-love sets the stage for a healthy, balanced, and fulfilling relationship. When you love yourself, you bring emotional stability, confidence, and authenticity into the relationship. Instead of seeking someone to fill your gaps, you’re looking for a partner to share your completeness. This dynamic leads to mutual respect, understanding, and growth - the hallmarks of a successful marriage.

Healing is a vital aspect of self-love. We all carry emotional scars from past experiences, but it’s essential to address and be aware of these wounds before committing to a lifelong partnership.

Unhealed or unaware trauma can create barriers to intimacy and trust, placing unnecessary strain on the relationship. By taking the time to heal, you free yourself from emotional baggage and create space for authentic connection.

Healing allows you to approach love from a place of wholeness, not brokenness. This ensures that your relationship is a source of joy and growth, rather than a crutch or coping mechanism.

The Laws of Self-Love and How They Relate to Marriage

1. Law 2 - The Law of Self-Worth: You Set the Standard

Your self-worth determines how you allow others to treat you. People with high self-worth are more likely to set and enforce healthy boundaries, ensuring that their needs and values are respected in a relationship.

Entering a marriage with a strong sense of self-worth ensures that you won’t settle for less than you deserve. It also allows you to seek and choose a partner who complements your strengths and respects your individuality.

2. Law 12 - The Law of Self-Emotional Intelligence: Navigating Growth with Awareness

Marriage involves two different people - different upbringing, values and perspective on life. With emotional intelligence—you cultivate the ability to understand and manage your emotions—is critical for navigating the ups and downs of a relationship especially when two people are on different pages. Loving yourself ensures that you’re constantly evolving and striving to become the best version of yourself, which in turn inspires your partner to do the same.

When both individuals in a marriage prioritize emotional intelligence, the relationship becomes a powerful vehicle for personal and mutual transformation.

3. Law 16 - The Law of Self-Responsibility: Your Happiness is Your Own

One of the most damaging myths about relationships is that your partner is responsible for your happiness. In reality, emotional responsibility lies within you. When you love yourself, you take ownership of your feelings and don’t rely on your partner to fix or complete you.

By taking responsibility for your emotions, you free your partner from the unrealistic burden of constantly meeting your emotional needs. This creates space for a healthier, more balanced connection.

4. Law 25 - The Law of Authenticity: Embracing Your True Self

Authenticity is about embracing who you are—flaws and all. Loving yourself means accepting your imperfections and showing up as your true self in a relationship. When you’re authentic, you foster deeper trust and intimacy because you’re not hiding behind a facade.

By embracing authenticity, you create a space where both you and your partner can feel safe and accepted for who you truly are.

The Science Behind Choosing the Right Partner

Studies have shown that people who exhibit high levels of self-esteem and emotional intelligence tend to have healthier, more satisfying relationships. According to research published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, individuals who love and accept themselves are more likely to attract partners who do the same. This mutual self-acceptance fosters a secure attachment, which is key to long-term relationship success.

Moreover, psychologists emphasize the importance of compatibility in values, communication styles, and life goals. However, true compatibility can only be assessed when you have a clear understanding of your own values and needs—a clarity that comes from self-love.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Love Before Commiting to a Partner

• Practice Self-Reflection: Regularly evaluate your values, priorities, and emotional patterns.

• Set Boundaries: Protect your time, energy, and mental health by saying no to things that don’t align with your growth.

• Invest in Self-Care: Prioritize activities that nurture your mind, body, and spirit.

• Seek Therapy or Coaching: Professional guidance can help you address unresolved issues and develop healthier patterns.

• Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge and honor your progress, no matter how small, this allows you to build greater confidence.

At the end of the day,

Loving yourself before marrying the right person isn’t just a feel-good mantra; it’s a scientifically backed principle that leads to healthier, happier relationships. By embracing the laws of self-love: self-worth, self responsibility, authenticity, and emotional intelligence- you lay the groundwork for a marriage that’s built on mutual respect, shared joy, and enduring love. Remember, the journey to self-love is the greatest gift you can give to both yourself and your partner. Before you say “I do” to someone else, make sure you’ve said it to yourself.

Lastly, here are some journal prompts:

• Have I fully processed and healed from past emotional pain?

• Am I bringing unresolved pain into my relationship? Have I given myself the grace and time to heal?

• Am I ready to grow with my partner, or am I relying on them to carry me?

• Am I bringing my authentic self into this relationship, or am I trying to be who I think my partner wants me to be?

• If you don’t see your own value, how can you expect your partner to recognize it?

• Am I entering this relationship to share my joy, or am I expecting my partner to create it for me?